My husband knocked me out in the fourth round.

I wrote my blog quickly yesterday before a ball game, and realized when I read back over it that I left out a crucial part of my story.  The reason Grant was late for our date was because he went and actually  bought that outfit and wore it out of the store so he would look 'hip and trendy' for our date.  All these years later, that still cracks me up.  Moving on---

Grant and I have been HAPPILY married for 11 years.  The first year, not so much, and it was all my fault.  For those of you who have never been through a divorce, it's called the 'awww, heck naw, I let one man walk all over me and I'll be danged if I'll let another one' disease, and I was eat up with it.  The first time my disease flared up, I threw an empty tea pitcher at Grant.  Now, for those who don't know us, Grant is over a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier than me, so when I threw the pitcher, he laughed and laughed and said, "Look at my little bantam," (for all of you city folks that is a little chicken).  I didn't know what to do after that, so I just walked off. Round 1 went to Grant.

My next flare up, I decided I would go to my room and slam the door.  He walked in behind me.  I went to the bathroom and locked that door and the slide lock so he couldn't get in.  Sitting on my throne , I was feeling pretty smug when I heard a knock on the door.  Grant said, "Where's the screwdriver so I can take the door off the hinges?"  I KNOW this idiot is bluffing, so I wait him out.  Then I hear him hitting the screwdriver on the hinge and he said, "Uh oh, I'm scratching up the hinge bad, but oh well, I have to make you come out so we can talk."  I got so tickled I laughed out loud and he heard me.  Round 2 went to Grant.

Well, fighting and hiding hadn't worked so I resorted to leaving.  I piled the kids in the car and took off.  He called on my phone and when I finally answered he said, "Ok, I've never been in this situation before but I THINK when you leave, you're not supposed to take my kid too."  Yep, I forgot to only take my own kids.  Round 3 went to Grant.

Now that I had perfected my plan, the next time, I planned to run away while the kids weren't there.  I went for my keys and he snatched them before I could reach them.  Well, I wasn't losing this time, so I took off walking.  That jerk got in MY car and followed me all the way down the driveway and to the end of our subdivision.  I couldn't keep a straight face, so I had to go home.  This guy was wearing me down, but I still wasn't laying down for the count.

By this time, I had given up on fighting running, and hiding, so all I was left with was shunning.  I went to sleep on the couch.  He walked in the room with a pillow and blanket and laid down on the floor beside the couch.  I said, "What do you think you are doing?" He replied, "I didn't get married to sleep by myself, so I will sleep in here beside you until you go back to bed."  Aw, I knew I had this one.  I could wait out ANYBODY, just ask my parents.  Well, he tossed, and he turned, and he punched his pillow, and he moaned about the hard floor, it went on and on until, once again, I laughed.
This time, I went down for the count.

It took a solid year of laughter therapy before I got over my 'aww, heck naw' disease, but I've been in remission so long, I consider myself cured.  Grant can make me madder than anyone has ever made me in my entire life.  I imagine myself choking him until his little squinty eyes pop out and look like mine at LEAST once a day, but every time I imagine it, I chuckle a little to myself  and know I never will…..But a girl can dream….