Many friends and family encouraged me to start a blog, but I have no idea why.  I am a typical stay-at-home mom doing the things stay-at-home moms do.  Maybe it's because my way of not taking life so seriously appeals to people.  Maybe it's because I like to laugh when crying seems like the more logical response.  Maybe it's because I am a realist (or honest to the point of brutality, whichever you prefer).  Anyway, for whatever reason it is, here I go.

I'll start with where my stay-at-home journey began.  In my former life, I was an elementary school teacher.  For 7 years, I took great pride in teaching children how to believe in the possibility of being whatever they wanted in life.  Yes, I taught reading, math, and such, but my goal was to to encourage, accept, and love my students.  In return, my students gave all that and more back to me.  They are part of the reason I learned to go with the flow, laugh a lot, and when business is done, have fun.

I taught at a school next to a trailer park.  More kids than not came from homes that were more dysfunctional than even my family was  (we will get into that on a later blog), and, Lord, did they bring it to school with them.  A mom came to my class and told my students she was hunting me down to "whoop her a-- like she whooped my kid."  One student (He had an imaginary pet duck that quacked under his desk.) ran away from home in a stolen car at the age of nine.  One asked me what an 'orgasm' was because "my sister was talking about getting one and I don't know if I have one."  to which I replied, "Oh, I think you mean organism, any living thing, so yes, you have one." (dodged a bullet with that one).  Another child thought the definition of 'collapse' was 'a disease my cousin got from a nasty girl.'  Yeah, I learned to think quickly, never show fear or surprise, and roll with the punches (literally, when breaking up a fight).  

In order to teach at a school like this, the instructors had to be a little dysfunctional themselves.  My partner in crime was my BFF, Terri.  More than once, we ran and hid in the gym lockers when the principal was on the prowl so we didn't get caught playing hooky from cheerleader practice.  With the help of our favorite coach, we rigged a tv with paperclips that stretched out the window so we could watch soap operas in my room.  Another teacher had a speech impediment and called one of her students 'Howard' instead of 'Harold' so much, when the office called for 'Harold' to go to the office, he didn't go because he thought they were calling someone named 'Harold' and his name was 'Howard.'  This same teacher forgot that a visitor was blind, and accidentally ran her into a door frame while taking her to a classroom.  I loved these ladies like family and loved every minute with them and the kids.

All good things must come to an end, and my end began when a new assistant principal decided to pee on the parade.  The day before school started, she called me and told me she was moving me to first grade (aka the pee pants, green snot, and vomit at will grade).  I was mortified, to say the least.  When I got in the room with these little terrors, the ass-p (assistant principal, but ass-p fits her better) also informed me that I would have no assistant, and that assistants did recess and all activity classes.  Basically, ass-p told  me that my life was filled with snot and pee for 8 hours straight.  In the words of my teenager, my life was over.  I struggled through the first couple of months but every day was awful.  These kids sucked the fun out of me like that tornado sucked up ToTo.  And then it happened.  Picture it, Halloween 2002, a first grade classroom, me and 20 little demon spawns, and me.  As I look down the hall, I see Halloween candy, streamers, you name it, as far as I could see.  I asked my next door neighbor what was going on and she told me that on Halloween the kids went room to room trick or treating and partying.  Guess who told the newbie about this tradition? Nope, not a soul let me in on this little tidbit until one hour before the festivities.  Well, since I had no assistant, I did the only thing I could do and called Grant (my hubby) to bring everything needed for a party and quickly.  Just as I was hanging up, in walks ass-p and scolds me for being on my phone.  I explained what happened and thought she would have mercy on me, but. of course, that didn't happen.

A few minutes later the ass-p came back to my room and said she would watch my class so I could go talk with the principal.  That heifer turned me in to the principal! I couldn't believe it.  After all I had done, changing grades, buildings, no breaks, no friends, no fun, and now I'm heading to the principal's office because of this tattle tail?  Well, at that moment, my 'don't give a crap' flower was in full bloom.  I walked into the office and the principal was holding a reprimand in his hand.  I explained the whole situation to him, but he said to keep the peace between him and the ass-p, he wanted me to take the reprimand and that would be the end of it, no further action would be taken.  Before I could cover my mouth, I popped off, "Well, then you can take that reprimand and shove it along with this job because I quit." Now, in my head I'm thinking, "Oh, crap, what did you just say? WTH are you thinking? You've  REALLY lost it this time." But to my boss, I hear myself ranting about the ass-p, the demon spawn, it was ugly.  Somewhere in the middle, my brain registered my boss saying, "You can't just quit.  You're under contract.  You have to submit a letter of resignation to the board for their approval."  I see my hand reaching across his desk, him leaning back as if he thinks I'm swinging on him, and my hand grabbing a pencil and a sticky note off the desk.  Then I see my hand write, "To Whom it May Concern:  I quit.  Sincerely, Tracye Prather."  My hand throws it back on his desk, and I turn and walk out. 

My brain started working again about 15 minutes later, and when it did…..I laughed…..and I cried…..

and I laughed again.  Driving in my car, windows down, radio up, sun on my face, life was still good.   Then and there, in the middle of my nervous breakdown, a plain, simple, ordinary stay-at-home mom was born, and so it begins…..