The Devil Can Eat Snow Cones Now Because Hell Froze Over

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile, but when you hear why I temporarily dropped out, I'm sure you will forgive me.  My son, Ben, moved home!!!!  He called me a little over a week ago and asked if he could move back home.  That's it.  He had not been in my house in 3 years and with one phone call, life as I knew it was back to normal.  He showed up on my doorstep with his bow, his gun, a 90 pound Lab, a couple of pairs of boxers and shorts, 4 shirts and a toothbrush.  That's it.  No socks, no deodorant, nothing else.  I joked with him that he may be naked and stinky but at least he can hunt.

Okay, for the next part, I post a surgeon general warning:  People with heart conditions may experience chest pains and shortness of breath if they read the next section.  Okay, drum roll please…..My ex-sister-in-law sent me a message on Facebook and said she was glad Ben was here and if we needed anything just ask, and then she dropped a bomb….She typed the words 'Mama wants you to call her'…. Huh?  I reread that line.  Yep, still said the same thing.  Oh, Lawd, I wasn't expecting to EVER speak to her again.  This woman was the source of more pain and grief than I could even begin to describe.  This woman covered up, funded, and lied to keep my sons with their dad.  This woman called DHS and reported me for child abuse.  This woman systematically plotted to get me out of my sons' lives and succeeded in doing so with each of them for a period of time that I could never get back.  Before I made this call, I needed a for real come to Jesus prayer session.

Ya'll know I don't lie, so believe me, this one was hard for me.  I hated this woman more than almost anyone in the world.  I have wished bad things on her for years (I had to pray for forgiveness afterwards, but I couldn't help myself.)  I honestly didn't know if I could even stand to hear her voice.  I spent I don't even know how long praying for God to give me a forgiving heart, an instinct for ulterior motives, and the words I needed to say.  I mean, God had to completely inhabit me because the real me wanted to cuss this woman out, wish a thousand plagues on her, and to forbid my sons from ever having anything to do with her so she could feel a fraction of the pain I had felt. I said a quick 'Amen' and dialed the number.

When she answered the phone, the first thing she said was, "Tra, I want to start this conversation by telling you how truly sorry I am for EVERYTHING I EVER did to you and I ask you to please forgive me."  Huh?  I thought at best she would say, "I know we have never gotten along, but let's put that aside for the sake of the kids and at least be civil to each other."  I NEVER could have imagined in a million years that I would EVER hear these words.  Before I could stop myself, I said, "Did your cancer come back?"  Crass, yes, I couldn't believe I let that fall out of my mouth, but this felt like a deathbed confession.  Then she told me this, "No, right now they are thinking it is only scar tissue so they are watching it for signs of growth.  I just have been watching my 91 year old mother and she seems so happy, so at peace within herself and her relationship with God.  She KNOWS where she is going.  Then I look at myself.  I don't have that peace and assurance.  I have high blood pressure, diabetes, have had and may have breast cancer, and many other things.  I know bad things can happen to good people, but I wonder in my case if bad things are happening to me because of all the bad things I've done.  That's why I ask for you to please forgive me.  I need to have that peace my mother has.  I need to know where I'm going."

Now, I wasn't there to see the waters part for Moses.  I wasn't there to see Lazarus get up and shake off the death that overtook him.  But, folks, I just witnessed a miracle as real as either of those things.  And….in the twinkling of an eye….it was over.  I told her I appreciated her apology.  I think in time I will be able to accept it as well.  I told her I would encourage the boys to visit her.  We made small talk about alternative medicine and her plans for the future and then she told me she was glad we talked and that she loved me and we hung up.  I still am cautious about her, but now I am cautiously optimistic that in time, all will be forgiven.  The earthly me still has a splinter of resentment, but the other 99% accepts her apology and forgives her.

Now my house is bursting at the seams again.  The kids are having spend the night company almost every night.  My grocery bill has doubled.  My credit card practically blew up after a shopping spree to get all the things Ben needed to be clean and dressed (naked hunting wasn't going to work).  Now I get to fall over clothes, balls, and shoes in another bedroom to kiss my other baby boy goodnight.  Now I get to yell, "If ya'll don't quit I'm going to come in there and whip all of y'all," at LEAST every 15 minutes again.  Now I have 5 dogs, 6 vehicles, 5 work schedules, and 2 ball schedules, to maneuver through all day every day, not to mention 10 loads of laundry and cold showers for the next couple of years, and life is good.  Life is better than good.  Life is great.  Thank you, Lord, for this crazy, messed up, imperfect life.  Thank you for all the laughter and tears.  Thank you for the love and the hate.  Thank you for teaching me I am stronger, more faithful, and more forgiving than I thought I was.  Most of all, thank you for being there for me.  Thank you for taking my pain and heartache when I could not bear it anymore.  Thank you for giving me peace in my heart in the midst of my world imploding.  Thank you for helping me become a better person than I was when my world was perfect and I didn't think I needed you quite so much.  I am blessed.