It's been awhile since I posted, but old age is catching up with me and I haven't felt well enough to write. Today I'm going to give it a shot.
Lori, a long time friend, asked me if I was going to tell any stories from back in the day, so in honor of her request, I'll tell you the story of her pregnancy. Lori had an interesting relationship with her 'baby daddy' even before he was her baby daddy. We were in our first year of college when we found out her little bundle of joy was on the way. Let's just say the phrase 'first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Lori with the baby carriage' was in a slightly different order. We quickly planned a simple wedding at my church. I started worrying that the divorce would come before the baby when they got in a fight over him hitting her with rice in the church parking lot. The next 7 months were a blur. I remember lots of crackers, pulling over for Lori to throw up on the side of the road nearly every day, BD coming home with a couple of quarts of beer because Lori told him a 6 pack was too much (gotta watch out for the loopholes), McRib sandwiches, and cigarette withdrawals.
Lori called me one morning and said she had been cramping but didn't think she was in labor. We talked about it and called our mothers. Lori's mom had moved to another state so my mom had become our go-to mom on the pregnancy questions. Mama said it could be labor and it wouldn't hurt to go to the hospital to check and see. Well, Lori didn't want to set off any false alarms by telling her husband or family, so we decided that I would run by and pick her up on my way to school because I had a test that day, I would take the test and she would wait on me, and then we would head on to the hospital. Don't judge. We were the 3 stooges minus 1 and never even knew anybody that had a baby, so this seemed like a great plan to us. I picked her up and we headed to McDonalds for an egg mcmuffin (What? Wouldn't everyone stop for food on the way to have a baby? Nobody said don't eat.) I made it to school and went in to take my test while Lori waited in the car. About an hour later, we headed to the hospital. Lori was still cramping, but the baby hadn't crowned or anything, so I figured we were good. We got to the hospital and got set up on all the monitors and waited to see what was going to happen next.
An hour or so later, they gave us the verdict. Lori was in labor and was going to labor and delivery right then. Well, we didn't expect that. We were an hour from everyone and the baby was on its way. I flew to the phone and started hunting everyone down. My mom and BD showed up right in the middle of the 'good contractions.' Boy, was it on then. BD was telling Lori to hush, quit being a drama queen, you get the idea. She proceeded to dog cuss him. I remember phrases like "It's your d--- fault I'm like this." "I probably did it just because you wanted to, I probably didn't want to that night anyway." "I HATE you! I hate EVERYTHING about you!" Finally, our little bundle of joy arrived and the fun was over. Our first child experience was interesting to say the least. Breast feeding, episiotomies, and colic notwithstanding.
